


maybe time would not erase me

by sunsetswerv



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, and then goes through a few memories, julie reflects on her mom giving her her dream box, ray to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26673952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetswerv/pseuds/sunsetswerv
Summary: julie's dad gives her a flashdrive of old home videos, and she stumbles on the recording of her mom giving her her dream box. remembering is hard, grief is unpredictable, and family is complicated, but at the end of the day, they have your back.
Relationships: Julie Molina & Julie Molina's Mother, Julie Molina & Ray Molina
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	maybe time would not erase me

**Author's Note:**

> hi, everyone! i hope you're doing well! i relate a lot to julie's arc as a musician who's lost a parent this past year. grief is hard, and i feel like that aspect of julie's character deserves to be acknowledged. i wrote this not only because julie is an incredible strong character and there deserves to be more pieces about her apart from the band, but it reflects a little on my own experience with grief. i hope you enjoy. :-)

_“Come on, Carrie, Julie’s opening presents!” Flynn cried excitedly, running into the frame of Julie’s dad’s video camera and plopping down next to the birthday girl.  
_

__

_“I’m sorry, I had to fix my hair -- don’t start without me!” Carrie whined, coming into view quickly and settling down pristinely on Julie’s other side.  
_

____

Perched on her bed in an impossible angle, Julie hit ‘pause’ on her laptop and observed the scene before her. She couldn’t help but laugh at the three girls celebrating Julie’s 7th birthday. “We were all so different,” she mumbled to herself, smiling - from Carrie’s bedazzled Justice graphic tee and candy pink clip-in hair extensions that she wore every day of elementary school to Flynn’s Hannah Montana t-shirt and her forearms covered in Silly Bandz, the snapshot _screamed_ late 2000’s. Flynn _had_ to see herself before she even acknowledged the concept of fashion. Reaching over to grab her phone, Julie opened up Snapchat and took a photo of her laptop screen to send to her best friend.  


____

‘dad gave me a flashdrive w a bunch of home movies on it and guess who made an appearance???’ she typed, ‘u should wear that hannah shirt again and call it vintage. LOL’  


____

After sending the message with a giggle, Julie set her phone back on her bed and pressed ‘play’ again. Birthdays had always been an intimate affair for her, and this party was no exception: she’d invited Carrie and Flynn to come join her family and Aunt Victoria in the festivities.  


____

“I can’t wait for you to see what I got you,” Carrie piped up after a moment of silence.  


____

“Now, Carrie,” chided a warm voice off screen - Julie’s mom, she realized with both joy and a pang of sadness - “Just hold on a few more minutes. We haven’t even sang to Julie yet!” Present Julie beamed while newly 7-year-old Julie groaned; she _hated_ being the center of attention, especially when she was younger. (Attention while performing was a _totally_ different vibe than a social setting, she’d always insisted - Julie viewed a crowd as focusing on the _music_. In a social setting, whether she was being serenaded by her family, enduring Carrie’s biting insults, or having to present in Lyric Seminar, the focus was 100% on _her_.) Now, however, she’s thankful for an excuse to hear her mom sing again.  


____

“ _Mija_ , we have to, I’m sorry! You _deserve_ to be celebrated.” her mom leaned down and planted a kiss atop Julie’s curls, then stood back up with a theatrical flourish. “Ray, a starting pitch, please?” she asked, gesturing dramatically towards the cinematographer.  


____

The camera shook slightly, as if her dad were chuckling at his wife’s pomp and circumstance. “Marry a musician, they said,” he mumbled jokingly so only the camera would pick him up. And quickly came a disclaimer, even softer than the last statement: “Rose, if you’re watching this back, I love and support you always!”  


____

Julie laughed at the sweet backpedal as her dad proceeded to sing a shaky ‘haaa’ until all the partygoers begrudgingly matched the note.  


____

Her mom led a raucous, but in-tune version of ‘Happy Birthday’ while Julie blushed with her head in her hands, Flynn and Carrie swaying with gusto on either side of her. On the final ‘happy birthday to you,’ she leaned down and serenaded her daughter in grandiose harmony, then ruffled all 3 of the girls’ hair with a smile. The trio dissolved into giggles as the rest of the family applauded.  


____

“Bravo, bravo!” her dad cheered, then panned the camera to a toddler-age Carlos. “Carlos, did you sing pretty for Julie?” he asked, zooming in on her younger brother.  


____

“I tried to, but I think mama sang prettier,” Carlos answered seriously, and once again Ray’s laughs gently shook the camera.  


____

Her dad quickly panned back to the action, where Julie’s mom was at last presenting her with her first gift. “Alright, Jules - this one is from me, okay? It’s a very special one.”  


____

“Okay,” she replied, taking the shiny purple gift bag and setting it in front of her. Flynn and Carrie appeared dejected for a moment, looking forward to presenting _their_ offerings to their best friend, but curiosity quickly overtook disappointment as the girls craned their necks to get a glimpse of what was inside.  


____

_Please be the glitter sneakers from Justice please be the glitter sneakers from Justice please be the glitter sneakers from Justice..._ younger Julie was chanting inwardly as she pulled the matching purple tissue paper out of the bag. Present Julie laughed at her younger self’s look of surprise at the reveal - a mix of disappointment and confusion as she pulled out a hand painted white box. She could still hear her inner monologue whirring as she set the box on the ground, Carrie and Flynn mirroring her look of confusion. _Okay, it’s not big enough to hold the sneakers, but maybe it has the matching friendship necklaces from Claire’s that I told her I thought were pretty inside. Maybe that’s why she insisted I invite Carrie and Flynn, so we can share!  
_

____

_With this new thought, she opened the box with a slight _creak_ of its hinges to reveal - nothing. It was just a box, hand painted with flowers and multicolored butterflies around the edges and a bunch of purple dahlias depicted on the lid. “Oh,” little Julie said slowly, choosing her words carefully, “Thanks, mom.. What’s it for?”  
_

_____ _

Her mom laughed, a warm, sunny laugh - even hearing it on a recording made Julie feel a little more alive. “Are you confused, sweetheart?” Julie nodded in response. “Well, I know it’s not exactly a _normal_ present, but I had this box made and then I painted it myself. It’s a dream box, made special for you, Julie!”  


_____ _

All three of the younger girls’ heads cocked to the side simultaneously. “What’s a dream box?” Julie asked.  


_____ _

“I am so glad you asked,” her mom replied, a glint of passion in her eyes. “My mom gave me one when I was around your age, and I used it _forever_. It’s a place for memories, and obviously _dreams_ \- pictures and words that inspire you and push you to where you want to go. You can put anything in it. A lot of things in my dream box inspired the songs that made my band go big, you know.”  


_____ _

Julie smiled a toothy grin, wide-eyed, at her mom. “ _Whoaa_ ,” she exclaimed, “That’s awesome, mom! Thank you!” They embraced, and Julie heard the _click_ of her Aunt Victoria’s camera capturing the moment from another angle.  


_____ _

Carrie whispered loudly to Flynn, “I think I want a dream box now.”  


_____ _

Julie clicked ‘pause’ on her laptop and pushed herself up onto her elbows, eyes flicking from the dream box in young Julie’s hands to the very same box sitting on her shelf across the room. Even now, her mom continued to inspire her and encourage her to do what she loves -from the signs of the dahlia at the Orpheum and even the boys coming into her life, to the tangible treasure trove of memories that was her dream box.  


_____ _

She smiled at the still image of her locked in a hug with her mom. She longed to feel that embrace again, but was also thankful that she had gotten to feel it so many times. Pushing herself up off her bed, Julie closed her laptop and walked across her room, standing on dinosaur-slipper-clad tiptoes to reach the box. Once she’d gotten it, she sat back down on her bed, opening the box with the same slight _creak_ of the hinges from the day she’d first gotten it. A deep breath as the memory replayed in her mind, wishing her mom were here to explain the gift all over again. Wishing her mom were here again at all. _Inhale, exhale.  
_

______ _ _

“I miss you, mom,” she said aloud with a bittersweet smile, casting a glance up at the ceiling - through the ceiling - hoping to feel some connection to her. “Thank you for giving me a way to look back on all this stuff - and all the time I had with you.”  


______ _ _

Carefully, almost methodically, Julie set out a few particular items to look at. She needed to add a few things to the box anyway, she remembered, quickly darting up to grab a few petals from the dahlia and a flyer advertising Julie and the Phantoms’ show at the Orpheum her dad had snagged for her after the performance.  


______ _ _

Setting those things carefully to the side, she took a deep breath. Julie hadn’t touched this stuff in a _long time_ \- she’d added things to it, yes, happy memories of her mom and records of the brighter spots of this awful year to remind herself that this time of grief _would_ pass (like Dr. Turner had consistently pushed her to do when she met with him). But the only people to really dive into the box’s contents recently were the guys when they stole the poem that led to _Flying Solo_. Now, it was her turn to revisit her dreams and happy thoughts.  
  
First, a slip of paper that had been cut out of one of those elementary school ‘Getting to Know Me!’ worksheets from around the time Julie had been first given the box. It was a fill in the blank answer: ‘When I grow up, I want to be…’ Julie had scrawled with purple crayon, ‘a rockstar.’ She smiled, shaking her head. _If only little Julie knew what she’d get herself into in a few years…_ Her mom had insisted she hold onto the page (she was the one who’d cut it out in the first place), even when Julie had wanted to throw it out. She was glad she’d listened to her.  


______ _ _

Next, a mock concert ticket on an index card scrawled in Flynn’s curly handwriting from a neighborhood concert they’d put on in the Molinas’ studio. ‘DOUBLE TROUBLE: ONE NIGHT ONLY!’ it exclaimed, and Julie remembered how her mom called for encore after encore that night, even as the neighbors started to leave. She’d always stoked their fire for performing. Julie’s smile wavered a little, tears threatening to take shape. She set the ticket aside gently.  


______ _ _

Then, a few things from her mom’s trunk that she’d been given before the trunk had taken up a permanent residence in Julie’s bedroom: a legitimate ‘Rose and the Petal Pushers’ ticket, the dahlia pin that usually lived on her denim jacket, and a fan letter that she’d held onto for years and years signed _‘-Ray.’_ Julie’s smile returned - the story of her dad going to show after show in pursuit of her mom’s heart reminded her that all kinds of love surrounded the playing and producing of good music - the tight bond of a band that can lead to… other things.  


______ _ _

Other things like… she blushes as her eyes flick to the folded piece of paper that contain the lyrics from her daydream of dancing with Luke. She’d spent all of the class after whatever _that_ was writing down the song that came to her so naturally it was scary - just like her chemistry with Luke. “I know you had his band’s demo, mom, but I wonder if you’d really like him if you knew him outside of Sunset Curve… I think you would,” she reasoned aloud, “He’s a hardcore rocker just like you. Well… not as good as you, obviously,” Julie laughed, imagining Luke’s face if he’d heard that, “but he can _really_ play.”  


______ _ _

She trailed off, sitting quietly for a moment as she glanced at the Polaroid photo sitting on her comforter - the final thing she’d fished from the box almost without thinking. Julie didn’t even have to look at it to know what it was: one of the last photos she’d taken with her mom, both of them beaming, and Julie in one of her mom’s old dresses. The photo was taken after her first recital at Los Feliz high school. She'd performed the very first song that she hadn’t collaborated with her mom on - she’d written it all by herself for her Lyric Seminar class. The start of a dream coming true _'- and a future hit!'_ , her mom had told her as they walked back to the car that night.  


______ _ _

She remembered how _proud_ her mom was that day - proud of her growth from just a few months in the program, proud of the way she came alive when the lights went up onstage, the fact that she’d even _gotten into_ the cutthroat program in the first place! The only reason that Julie even went out for the music program was because her mom had pushed her to.  


______ _ _

That was the last performance that her mom had seen. _So much has changed since then_ , Julie thought, and her chest grew tight thinking of how far she’d come. How much she had had to overcome just to _play_ again - something that had been second nature basically since she was born. The fact that she’d played _The Orpheum of all places_ all by herself - thinking that she was the last one left to carry on the band that changed her life’s legacy.  


______ _ _

As she sat, reflecting, a question settled quietly on her heart: _Would she be proud of me?_  


______ _ _

Just imagining her mom being here during these past few months - thinking of her showing up to the band’s gigs, her cleaning up a heartbroken Julie after the dance instead of Flynn’s mom, her helping her with her makeup backstage at the Orpheum... it was all too much.  


______ _ _

The tears flowed softly, landing on the lyrics to _Perfect Harmony_ , but Julie didn’t notice.  


______ _ _

After a moment, it dawned on her: the one thing that tied not only her dreams, but her dream _box_ together was her mom. Everything in her life would be different if not for her legacy. And now her passion was lived out through Julie, who truly felt _alive_ again doing exactly what brought a fire to her mom’s eyes.  


______ _ _

A gentle knock at her door caused Julie to look up. “Come in,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.  


______ _ _

Her dad stuck his head in through the doorway. “Hey, Jules, just sayin’ goodnight.” He smiled at her, then grew concerned. “Everything alright, sweetheart?”  


______ _ _

It takes her a second to respond - Julie hates it when her dad worries about her. They’re all missing mom in different ways, at different times, and it’s no one’s fault. Her dad should just have to worry about himself. But… she should also be honest with him. Why did life have to be so complicated?  


______ _ _

“Yeah, I’m fine… just missing mom a little extra tonight, I guess. I watched the home video where she gave me the dream box for my birthday.” Her voice is small, but steady. “So I decided to look through a couple of things.”  


______ _ _

“Wow, you haven’t laid some of this stuff out in forever,” her dad hesitated at the door, but Julie smiled weakly and gestured for him to come in. “Is that-” he squints at the old letter and chuckles, “is that the fan letter I wrote your mom?”  


______ _ _

She nodded, laughing along with him. “I can’t believe _that_ was how you won her over.”  


______ _ _

He shook his head, smiling as he says, “I can’t believe it either. Do you mind if I-?”  


______ _ _

“No, no, not at all! Go ahead, dad.” She can’t help but beam as he picks up the letter from all those years ago, holding it delicately, as if it were an artifact from another era that could crumble into dust. For a moment, they were both still, lost in their own memories.  


______ _ _

“You know… I miss her too, Julie,” he said finally, breaking the silence. “It’s okay to be sad, you know that, right? It’s just not okay to stay that way.” She nods as he pulls her into an embrace - they’ve had this conversation before, but it’s one of the first times it’s really sank in. “I’m really glad you felt up to looking at this stuff. Did you like the videos?” he asked absentmindedly, picking up the Polaroid from Julie’s recital.  


______ _ _

“From what I saw of them, they were great. Your commentary made it for me- ‘marry a musician, they said…’” she quoted, and now both of them were laughing, sitting on her bed.  


______ _ _

“Did you watch the end of that one? I think that was the year that Carlos blew out your candle and you pitched a _fit_ because he stole your birthday wish.”  


______ _ _

“No way!” she laughed, “I do _not_ remember that. What did you do?”  


______ _ _

“We relit it, of course,” he said dryly, a glimmer of fondness in his eyes. “You have to see it. Do you still have the video pulled up?”  


______ _ _

“Yeah - just give me a second.” Julie scooped up the contents of her dream box and carefully placed them back inside before reaching for her computer. When she opened her laptop again, it was still frozen on her and her mom’s embrace. They both paused, taking in the sight. “You know,” she started, “I was sitting here looking at all this stuff, and I realized something. Everything - the box, the band, the house - is here because of mom. Living out her passion and seeing her lasting impact on all of us makes the hard moments worth it.”  


______ _ _

Ray clicked his tongue, then looked down at his daughter. “Julie.. You are wise beyond your years. I love you.” He kissed the top of her head.  


______ _ _

“I love you too, dad,” she smiled, pulling him into a hug. “Now, let’s see how this story ends…” she muses, pressing ‘play’ on the video.  


______ _ _

_“Open mine next! Open mine next!” Carrie begged as Julie’s mom stood up. “It’s the pink one with the sparkly bow, Mrs. Molina!”  
_

_______ _ _ _

_Flynn, Julie, and her mom chorused together: “I never would’ve guessed!”  
_

________ _ _ _ _

As their laughter echoed from Julie’s laptop speakers, she snuggled in close to her dad. It felt good to remember her mom this way - their family this way, but even through loss, they’re still family. And family is stronger together.

________ _ _ _ _


End file.
